Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
