I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
