You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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