Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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