What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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