If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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