After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
my being single is dangerous.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
false alarm, still single
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
