We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
