its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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