not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
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we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
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