the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Randomize
