...so i touched it.
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
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