you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
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