I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Randomize