I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
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I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
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Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
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