my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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