just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
