My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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