my soul wont recognize me after tonight
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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