remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.