im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
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