i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
bring money and cleavage
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
23 Fathers Confess The Best Way They’ve Messed With Their Daughter’s Boyfriend
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
25 Children of Helicopter Parents Admit The Most Horrible Thing They Were Put Through
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker