I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
These Attractive Criminals Got Modeling Contracts After Getting Arrested
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
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I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.