And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
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his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
ttyl tear gas
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
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I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?