Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
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id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
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Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.