She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
Moan for me like Helen Keller
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Randomize
