Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
