THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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