Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
