Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Randomize
