the new term for farting is butt boxing.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Randomize
