i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
