Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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