yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
