How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
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