So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Randomize
