end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
