We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
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Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
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