not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
