He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
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