I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
