gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
