Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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