Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Randomize
