Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
I want to have your abortion
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
