the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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