I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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