i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Randomize
