I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Randomize
