Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
