what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Randomize
