It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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