I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
did you just send me my own nude
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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