I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
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Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
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