I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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