I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
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