He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
