I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Randomize
