Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
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