I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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