Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
