That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
