Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Randomize
