when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Randomize
