i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
