You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Randomize
