the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
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