it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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