you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
