i wish there were pregnant emoticons
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
