I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
