okay pat passed out under dana's car
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Who died my cat blue again?
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
