I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
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