hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Randomize
