There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
